Don’t Be The Rock

We finally had a snow day yesterday! It’s been a snowless winter until now – I was so grateful for a day off work and to myself.

As I puttered around the house, I was thinking back to a blog post I wrote in January about the Women’s March in DC. In it, I shared that in the original language of Genesis 2, the word ‘helpmeet’ – referring to why God created woman – actually translates back to the original Hebrew word ‘ezer’ which means, ‘rescuer, lifesaver and strong power.’ Those words have so much more strength in them than helpmeet. Don’t you agree?  

I often share this when I speak – always with the intention of reminding women how much they are valued and treasured by God. I love the ‘whoo-hoo’s’ I hear from the audience when I tell them this world was not complete until we arrived on the scene!

But when thinking about the word ezer yesterday, my mind went in a completely different direction.

The day my mother died, we were all gathered at her house in the evening with family and friends coming by. As you can imagine, after a week holding vigil at the hospital and then with her passing, we were exhausted. There was a bit of family drama going on. You know what I mean – emotions were running high.

My Godparents were among the visitors and witnessed some of the family stress. As they were leaving, and I walked them to the door, my sweet Godfather hugged me and then looked me in the eye and said, “Laura Anne, YOU are the rock.”  

He meant this as the kindest compliment and I took it as such. In that moment, he saw me and was conveying that I was strong enough to handle all that was swirling around. I hugged him back, and told him that I learned how to be the rock from my mother.

Next week, it will be two years since that evening.

Over the past 24 months, I have learned so many important truths – far too many to detail here. But as I remembered the word ezer and its meaning, I was reminded of something I’ve learned since mom died..

Often times, our greatest strength can also be our greatest weakness.

As Christian women, we have such big hearts. It’s easy for some of us to become very caught up in being the rescuer, the lifesaver and the strong power. We are natural fixers and may feel it is our calling to rescue the lost, hurting and dysfunctional.

We want to help, inspire, cheerlead, figure out the problem and then fix it. Us to the rescue! We can feel responsible to make everything and everyone ok. Sound familiar?

So here is what popped into my mind as I was thinking this through: Don’t be the rock.

There already is a Rock and it isn’t you.

It’s not your job. It isn’t your role and it won’t work anyway.

You can’t rescue anyone – you can’t fix anyone.

And all the helping and cheerleading in the world will never save a single soul.

Don’t be the rock.

Our role as women – as mothers, friends, siblings and lovers is to…

Love

Encourage

Listen

Be an example

Pray

And then, keep pointing to the true Rock, the only One who can save and rescue – the strongest power, Jesus.

Only the Creator can fix what He has created.

In psychology lingo, trying to be the rock, the fixer, or the rescuer of people is called co-dependency.

We Christian girls are amazingly skilled at this and we confuse it with love, caring and compassion. But in reality, co-dependency crosses a line and accomplishes just the opposite.

To rescue your child from pain or obstacles is to teach them to be helpless for a lifetime.

To be the lifesaver for an addict is to prolong their addiction and hinder their recovery.

To try to fix everything and make it all ok for everyone is exhausting, keeps you from living in freedom and hear this truth: it will continue into the next generation.

Don’t be the rock.

Our beautiful and powerful attributes, given to us at Creation are not to be used for our own glory, a search for significance or our need for validation. We place ourselves in God’s role when we do that – and that’s always a problem.

Instead…

We rescue by taking them to the Rescuer.

We help save a life by pointing them to the Lifesaver

We use our strong power, by loving deep and unconditionally with healthy boundaries.

Our true strength is seen when we allow others to experience their own journey and learn their own lessons –  and we do the same.

“The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my Savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.” – Psalm 18:2

Someone already has been given the assignment – and it is not you or me.

Please, please – don’t be the rock.

Many Blessings,

laura

23 Comments

  1. Meg Gemelli on March 15, 2017 at 9:23 am

    Hey Laura, great post! You really cut right to the woman’s heart today. I’m a terrible rock, so I’m picking up what you’re putting down today:) How wonderful a reminder to release. I hope your week is wonderful.

    • LauraAdmin on March 15, 2017 at 1:41 pm

      Meg – I am so happy that this post connected with you today. It is such a common issue for us but one we must “put down”. My mother’s sudden absence brought it all out in to the light. God never wastes a hard experience – He will teach us through the hard seasons. This is only one lesson He has taught me over the past 2 years. I just love Him for that. 🙂 xo

  2. Barb Eckert on March 15, 2017 at 9:43 am

    This is a life long lesson for some of us. Still practicing! Great topic and advice. Blessings and thanks!!

    • LauraAdmin on March 15, 2017 at 1:39 pm

      You are speaking truth, Barb. Unlearning co-dependency has been a loooong process but it is well worth the effort. We cannot be our true selves when we are taking care of everyone else. Thanks for taking the time to comment. I appreciate you. xo

  3. Megs on March 15, 2017 at 9:43 am

    “Only the Creator can fix what He’s created.” This is outstanding. I love this post. It’s a sage reminder to look inward and upward before reaching outward to “fix” and “help.” All must be done in His will and time. I loved this. It’s a really good mindset to apply to friendship, too.
    Happy Wednesday, from the Coffee for Your Heart Linkup!
    Megs

    • LauraAdmin on March 15, 2017 at 1:37 pm

      Megs – Once I realized that only God knows exactly the places we need repair and that He is the only one who can do it, my entire perspective changed. “Psychology revels — but Jesus heals.” I learned that in one of my counseling classes at Liberty U. So good! xo

  4. Mary David on March 15, 2017 at 10:49 am

    Thank you Laura. This was perfect for today. I love the scripture that ties it all together. Thank you again. Love, Mary

    • LauraAdmin on March 15, 2017 at 1:35 pm

      Thanks Mary for stopping by and commenting for the first time. It means a great deal to me that this post was ‘perfect for today’. xo

  5. Jen Roland on March 15, 2017 at 3:06 pm

    Laura, God has spoken through you again with this post. I have tried in the past to “convict” others of certain behaviors and you’re right – it doesn’t work. Only the Holy Spirit can do that and it is our job to let go of control and the need to fix everything, let Him to his job, and pray that the other person will be open to seeing/hearing/feeling the Holy Spirit working within them. I think it’s also important to remember that we are responsible for ourselves and TO others, not FOR them. We have to take responsibility for our thoughts and behaviors, but it’s unhealthy to take responsibility FOR the thoughts and behaviors of others. Galatians 6:5 says that “each one should carry his own load.” When we try to do what others can do for themselves and carry THEIR load on top of our own, it starts to weigh us down and becomes too much for us to bear. As you pointed out, it also doesn’t show them who the true rescuer and lifesaver is. That’s why we have to yoke up with Jesus to carry our own load and point them to God for the rest!

    • LauraAdmin on March 15, 2017 at 10:14 pm

      Jen — your comment is so excellent that I want to quote YOU! You ought to write post on this — you’ve got a lot to share! Thanks for the wisdom! Keep it coming! xo

    • Nan Jefferies on August 7, 2017 at 10:29 am

      Knocked it out of the park, Jen! Needed to read this again today. Keep close to Him, love you,
      Nan

  6. Meg Madden on March 15, 2017 at 4:15 pm

    I love this post SO much! I love your clear truth Laura, “there is a rock and it isn’t you. It is not your job. It isn’t your role and it wouldn’t work anyway. ” I wish I had learned these truths earlier in my life but it’s never too late. I am still a work in progress but I am learning to walk in freedom and am focusing on not passing this on to our next generation!

    • LauraAdmin on March 15, 2017 at 10:15 pm

      You have taught me so much about co-dependency and the healthier way. I love you dearly and I am grateful. He has us on the journey together. xo

  7. Jeanne Yaniga on March 16, 2017 at 9:36 am

    Wow! God was speaking directly TO ME though you in this post Laura! I can’t believe the perfect timing of it. When we try to be a rock for others, we burden ourselves with unnecessary baggage that we aren’t meant to carry for them. We DO have the perfect answer, every time, and it is Jesus. Thanks for that very enlightening reminder today. Love you!

    • LauraAdmin on March 16, 2017 at 10:16 pm

      Thank you so much my friend. I love when God connects the dots. xoxo

  8. Lyli @3dlessons4life.ocm on March 16, 2017 at 6:00 pm

    Laura, it’s so lovely to “meet you” today through #ThoughtProvokingThursday! You have a beautiful family with handsome boys! — Thanks for sharing this good word with us. I have to fight that tendency to try to fix things and press into prayer instead. Your words here were a good reminder. I look forward to reading more from you in the weeks ahead.

    Blessings,
    Lyli

    • LauraAdmin on March 16, 2017 at 10:15 pm

      Thank you, Lyli! I love my boys — they mean the world to me. I appreciate your kind words. Thank you.xo

  9. Laurene on March 17, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    YES! Truth I need to hear over and over. Thank you!

    • LauraAdmin on March 17, 2017 at 11:19 pm

      Love you Laurene. xo

  10. Jody on March 18, 2017 at 12:58 pm

    Thank you for this! I will be sharing it this week and am so happy to be part of the Hope*Writers community with you!

    • LauraAdmin on March 18, 2017 at 8:09 pm

      Wow -thanks so much Jody. I am glad the post resonated with you -thanks for the share!

  11. Jenni Allnutt on March 20, 2017 at 8:05 am

    Laura,

    I’m just getting to the post this morning. Wonderful companion to Richard’s message yesterday, which really showed that this issue isn’t just for us ladies. Blessed that Richard shares his struggles and true heart, just as you do with each post. Thanks for lifting us and encouraging our focus upward.

    Peace,
    Jenni

    • LauraAdmin on March 21, 2017 at 6:24 am

      Thanks Jenni – I was not at church on Sunday and I missed Richard’s message. I will listen this week. I am happy you found this message uplifting and I truly appreciate your kind comment. Have a great week! xo

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